Shut Up And Write

I want to love to write. But I don't. Not at the moment anyway. I have a hard time getting the words to come out the way I want, and I'm terrible at spelling and grammar. On top of all that, I'm a perfectionist. If what I'm writing isn't perfect, I scrap the whole thing and start over. So the odds of me publishing anything are slim. Nevertheless I write. I'm trying to force myself to break this habit. I can't be a better writer unless I write. I know that it's gonna suck at first, that I need to keep at it if I ever want to be any good. But in the dark corner of my mind is a mirror with my reflection staring back at me with judgemental eyes waiting for me to fail. Nevertheless I write. I want to tell stories. I want to speak truths. I want to move people with my words the way that other writers move me. For too long I have feared success. I felt that I don't deserve it, that I'm just some weirdo that nobody wants to listen too. Anything that I have accomplished in my writing has been a fluke. The work that I have made, means nothing in the real world. "You're not a writer until you get paid." a teacher once said to me. Further solidifying what I already felt. Nevertheless I write. I've learned to turn down the volume in my head, even if it doesn't go to zero. Things are different now. I am different now. I stand on shaky legs, but I'm slowly gaining balance. I've learned that it is ok to be happy with who I am and what I've become. That it's not too late for me to succeed. So I will stand tall, smash that mirror and that teacher can fuck off! Now I write.